I decided to post a poem that I wrote this past quarter reflecting on change. It was a very challenging time in my life and broke me down but at this low, I was able to genuinely cherish those around me that I love and learn how strong I can be. Change can be good and it can be bad but it can also be exactly what we need.

Fractured

They broke me,
Down so hard they crushed my soul
Shattered my heart into a million pieces
Ruptured each artery that contained my love for them

I thought we would make it through anything,
Always be there for each other,
Care for one another,
Love each other

Instead that was all thrown out the window when the words were uttered from my mouth “I’m not coming back…”
The emotions that splashed over me were overwhelming
I knew this would be the rain that brought the storm
But never thought it could rip apart a bond that was supposed to be invincible, unstoppable,
Make it through hell and back

The minute you twisted your words from love to hate and hurt,
I knew you were no longer the person I knew,
The one I confided in,
The person I had so much love for

You became a being of angst and deceit
No more kind words or insightful advice
You betrayed me,
Crafted your own opinions on why I made my decision
Gathered your own army to turn their backs on me

Not once did sentences come from your mouth “are you okay?”
“How are you doing with all of this?”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Instead you morphed and molded your words to suffocate those around you to only see what you see,
Hear what you wanted them to hear

You broke me,
Down to shed a waterfall of tears, that pierced my heart like a dagger through an apple
Sleepless nights as thoughts raced questioning if this was the right decision to make
Days spent crying in my car as I realized I am no longer whole
That I allowed these friends to define me,
control me,
mold me into the person they wanted me to be

I thought we would be friends for eternity
Share and experience new memories, while recollecting the amazing times we shared together
Have reunions to catch each other up on our lives
Take our kids to the park to play, become friends, and create a bond as strong as ours

To me, we were lifelong friends, bonded by the tears we shed,
Talks we had, and emotions we expressed
To me, we were always going to be there for one another,
No matter what,
Through thick and thin in this game we call life

All that no longer exists, it is buried with all the other love and compassion I had for you
I will no longer cry so hard my body quivers and feels weary from the emotion that overtakes me
I will no longer hurt so much that my limbs ache from the pain
My heart will no longer bleed for you
You will no longer define me

You did break me,
Down to feel as insignificant as a piece of dust floating in the air,
As easily disregarded as the gum on your shoe,
As unworthy as someone below you

I want to thank you
Because I will look back on this day and smile
This struggle has prepared me for life and allowed me to,
Once again,
Become whole

~DAGS